Sometimes we look at physical and sexual abuse and know that those are the “bigger”, or “worse” forms. Emotional abuse seems so slight, so minute, so “less than” in the world of punches & rape, but the subtleties of control are damaging and run very deep. It can be downright depressing.
When you are feeling down, the best cure is to make a change: change your physical state, change your surroundings, do something you like, do something different, paint your wall, or go for a walk, or just anything that makes you smile. Unfortunately. when you are under the control of someone else, those things are not possible and you find yourself confined within whatever they allow you to have. Using volatile mood swings, and finacial control, and shame, an abuser imprisons you.
It is a prison invisible to others but very real to those who are in it.
Even worse, is when the warden denies it exists. “You can do whatever you want,” they say, except that if you do you’ll be met with anger and growling like guard dogs or barbed wire to prohibit you from going in that direction or guards people put in place to make sure you don’t get out of line. And if the warden has set up the prison properly he doesn’t have to do any of the work, he just to make sure to oversee it.
“Put aside a little money, so you can leave.” There is no “little money” to put aside there’s, no access.
“Take care of you just focus on being well, ” but there is no you there is only focusing on the mood of the warden and the dogs and the guards and staying away from the fence. Look down at your feet don’t make eye contact but always be aware of your surrounding. It is very stressful and there isn’t any spa time in prison.
“Bloom where you’re planted.” Do you mean express yourself? No, don’t do that. Better for you to walk on eggshells. Bloom where you’re planted like be the very best you you can be? No, don’t do that either it’s just not possible. Survival that’s what we’re dealing with here, survival. Remember the guards? remember the dogs? remember the razor wire? Remember the warden?
“We all make our choices.” Let’s make one thing clear nobody walked into this prison knowingly and willingly. It was a cleverly disguised trap. And once you’re in there is no getting out, except by elaborate escape or a body bag.
Emotional abuse is a horrid cruelty and the most horrible part and when is when its not considered abuse at all.